Monthly Archives: February 2012

The Rules

I’m dead tired today, so a short post…

The rules aren’t my rules. They aren’t the rules of this blog, although they also apply here. Think of them as… general life guidelines.

  1. Don’t Visualize. Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day. Mitch McConnell masturbating. Rush Limbaugh in the throes of orgasm. You see why this is a good idea now? (And yes, I am a sick fuck.
  2. Don’t Reward Inappropriate Behavior, a.k.a. No Boobies for Asshats. Why should people be rewarded for doing Bad Things? (And not the good kind.)
  3. Don’t Stick It In Crazy. (Or, conversely, Let Crazy Stick It In You) Crazy can be very, very fun in bed. This an also be very, very dangerous. Mental illnesses aren’t strictly sexually-transmitted infections, but sometimes Crazy can stick.
  4. When In Doubt, Don’t Put That In Your Mouth. Do I really need to explain why this is a good idea?

In all my time on the planet, I’ve found that these will get you though most basic situations.

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Another day at BFFC…

So, quite a while ago, when he needed a job, I helped Snarf(See Dramatis Personae page) get his foot in the door at Big Fuckin’ Food Corp, my present employer. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thrilled as hell I helped him get a job. Often because we’ll have conversations like this on Communicator:

Snarf:
I don’t like sitting by (IBM Consultant.) Her force of personality makes me wanna be elsewhere. No one on my team makes me feel like I should be working at 110%. She makes me feel like my balls are in a guillotine…I hate IBM.

Monocentric:
hah
maybe she’s a business Jedi
instead of Battle Meditation, she has Invisible Overseer powers

Snarf:
Businessith.

Monocentric:
YES.
(My god, we’re such fucking dorks.)

Snarf:
I am NOT a whale naughty bit!
lol
Powers like Force Efficiency, Force Deadline…
Force Budget Cut.

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Of Peas and Pillowcases…

My beloved-father, whom I shall ironically dub DaddyDearest, works for a nonprofit facility for the developmentally disabled – he is, however, working at a prison. It’s my father’s job to make sure that those 400-odd fine guests of the State still get fed every day. While the prisoners aren’t particularly going anywhere, there are still a lot of moving parts to making sure they all get fed. F’example, last year during the Great Blizzard of ’11, my father was the only one on staff in the kitchen for two days. The food still got out, albeit late, but he made sure everybody in the prison as an inmate or a guard got fed. He’s like that.

So, the first year the prison contract was up for renewal, my father’s boss(the director of finance for the nonprofit) and her boss, the director of the nopro, went to the Capitol to discuss the contract with the Department of Corrections.

When all was said and done, they had one complaint:

The peas in the beef stew were insufficiently green.

Le Director choked out something, and they left. It is given to my understanding that on the drive home she kept screaming, out of now, where, “Peas! They’re complaining about the god-damned peas!” She eventually calmed down, but only after it was repeatedly pointed out to her that if the only complaint the DoC had about Nonprofit’s performance was the color of the peas, things were going pretty well…

Fast-forward about 10 years.

Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, we discovered that one of the cats had pissed on our bed. Thankfully, we have a stain/liquid-resistant cover on the mattress, for exactly these cases, but there’s still the sheets, blankets, and so on. Mulder was grumbly about the cat using our bed as a litter box, and generally grousing.

I fetched a new set of sheets out of the linen closet, and started remaking the bed. Mulder suddenly stopped, and said “Where’s the pillowcase?” I looked around the room, counted thrice just to make sure, and, yes, indeed, we were short one matched pillowcase with the sheet set.

This. Will. Not. Do.

Mulder isn’t, usually, too OCD-like, but every man has his last straw, and last night that was Mulder’s. He starts ranting and raving about “How difficult is it to keep sheet sets together!?” and “Why do the Girls keep losing our stuff!?” Due to some real struggles on their end, last year we hired The Girls to help keep the place tidy, and take our laundry over. Protip: It’s incredibly awkward hiring friends. Don’t do it.

Anyway… since Mulder’s rant wasn’t aimed, directly, at me, it just glanced off my funnybone – and set me to giggling. I end up laying on our bed, laughing with tears out of my eyes, and Mulder, finally calmer, is just looking at me with one eyebrow spocked up.

When I finally calmed down, I got as far as saying “The peas!” before I set myself off again.

Mulder, somehow naturally, didn’t quite see what was so funny.

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More with the explication…

So, I thought I’d explain a few more things ’bout the blog, while I’m not thinking terribly-heavy thoughts today.

The title works on a few levels. Like my life, a <a href=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eyepiece#Monocentric”>monocentric lens</a> is one that is made up of multiple pieces, fused together into a more useful whole. My life has a <strong>whole</strong> lot of moving parts, and somehow… it works.

I also like the irony of writing a blog with the title “monocentric” as a poly dude, since I’m about as far from mono centric in a relationships sense as you can get.

A slight digression before the subject of blog titles… Watch this NSFW video. I’d suggest headphones:

Then, since I can’t find a video of the song, here’s a link to the lyrics of “Cocksucking Faggot” by Pansy Division. Here’s the song, too. That said… I’m a lit major. I believe in the power of words, and I think that there’s a lot of words that need to be reclaimed. (Oh, Sars, I adore thee.) Thus, with the pervert. I’ll cheerfully admit that the term applies well to me, actually – I’m into a lot of things that most people think of as exotic at best. And I’ll try just about anything once. Maybe twice, if it’s possible they just weren’t particularly good at it.  But I digress… I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a pervert, as long as all parties relevant to the discussion consent. So once slut loses a bit more of its sting, and we’re already well on the way, and when I can cheerfully call friends perverts without worrying about a sting of opprobrium, I’ll be happy.

Finally, we have more Ani Difranco lyrics. “Taken out of context I must seem so strange” is from one of her older songs, a lovely ditty called Fire Door.

Although… *chuckle* At this point I’m pretty convinced context doesn’t help.  I think I’d be pretty strange anyway… *grin*

Questions, anyone?

(Oh, and I DO think in lyrics a lot. There’ll be a lot of videos posted, etc. I hope y’all have eclectic taste in music.)

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For the knitters…

Presented, without further comment, from Frazz:

Frazz comic w/joke about knitters

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She says it better than I could…

So I was thinking about my relationships last night.

There’s going to be a big post about polyamory and complimentary relationships and so on later, but what it it all boils down to is this:

Hal and Mulder fulfill me in completely different ways. The Venn diagram for the three of us is three circles, the two at the edges overlapping the one in middle – but not each other. Or, like the woman says:

I search your profile
for a translation
I study the conversation
like a map
’cause I know there is strength
in the differences between us
and I know there is comfort
where we overlap

come here
stand in front of the light
stand still
so I can see your silhouette
I hope
you have got all night
’cause I’m not done looking,
no, I’m not done looking yet

each one of us
wants a piece of the action
you can hear it in what we say
you can see it in what we do
we negotiate with chaos
for some sense of satisfaction
if you won’t give it to me
at least give me a better view

come here
stand in front of the light
stand still
so I can see your silhouette
I hope
you have got all night
’cause I’m not done looking
no,
I’m not done looking yet

I build each one of my songs
out of glass
so you can see me inside of them
I suppose
or you could just leave the image of me
in the background, I guess
and watch your own reflection superimposed

I build each one of my days out of hope
and I give that hope your name
and I don’t know you that well
but it don’t take much to tell
either you don’t have the balls
or you don’t feel the same

come here
stand in front of the light
stand still
so I can see your sillouette
I hope
you have got all night
’cause I’m not done looking
no, I’m not done looking yet

I search your profile for a translation
I study the conversation like a map
’cause I know there is strength
in the differences between us
and I know there is comfort
where we overlap

And, as befits the refrain of a great song, that’s the key point – diversity is strength. I get very different things out of my relationships with Hal and with Mulder

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The State of Monocentric – #1

So. Let’s discuss my overall condition right now.

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